Insolence, dishonesty, alienation, impatience, loss of integrity, uselessness.  When we work with people, there will always be disappointments. Do these terms apply to anyone you know? 

Last week, someone who owes me money sent an email asking if I hold grudges.  I didn’t know how to respond. 

If I say, “No, I don’t hold grudges” – does that let her off the hook?  If I say, “Yes” – does that make me a bad person so she is okay not to pay? 

When people are embroiled in insolence, dishonesty, alienation, etc…see list above…it is easy to be pulled down with them.  Yesterday, I opened a book and found a note that I had written a long time ago:  “True power lies in reticence, tranquility and detachment.”

Perhaps my “no response” was the best response.  What would you do?  I’m sincerely seeking your advice. – Shar McBee

I believe that YOU have a purpose and a unique gift to give to the world.  If you are feeling stopped from bringing your mission to expression, remember that progress comes in stops and starts. When stopped, try this method to get yourself started again.

Follow the example of water.  What does water do when it comes upon a rock?  It flows over or around it.  When it comes upon a precipice does it squeal, “That’s too steep”?  No.  It goes right over the cliff.  What happens when it comes to a hole?  It fills the hole up and flows on.

On the other hand, what happens when water does not flow on?  It gets stagnant, doesn’t it?  It’s the same with us.  If we let fear or indecision stop us, we get stagnant too.

(If you have the book, you can read more about this in the final chapter of To Lead is to Serve.  Also available here.) http://joyofleadership.com/products/index.htm#books

The world needs good leadership!  Please share your Joy of Leadership tips with others.    – Shar McBee

1.  Being the “leader” might mean working in a background or seemingly insignificant position in order to secure the best outcome. 

2.  Instead of “leading,” the leader might have to withdraw.  You don’t withdraw because you are angry.  Withdraw because you care. 

3.  A leader doesn’t have to intervene to “save the situation.”  Nobody wants to fill someone else’s shoes.  They want to walk in their own shoes.  Letting people do it their way, even if they make mistakes, is necessary if you want people to help you. – Shar McBee

Be my friend on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1419623208

When people feel included, they support you.

When people feel excluded, they undermine you.

If you make your decisions at the top,

don’t assume those below will implement them.

When you want people to “buy in” – listen to them.

Let them give you advice.  Let them add their ideas.

Let them talk.  Because people remember what THEY

say more than what YOU tell them. – Shar McBee

PS  I’d like to “include” you as my friend on Facebook.

To be my friend:   http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shar-McBee/94712870749#!/profile.php?id=1419623208&ref=ts

To join the “To Lead is to Serve’ group:   http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shar-McBee/94712870749#!/group.php?gid=102173708872&ref=ts

When you find yourself in an influential position, don’t be surprised if it arouses envy.  You can’t avoid it.  You can avoid becoming embroiled in it. 

1.  Do your duty. 

2.  Be conscientious. 

3.  Don’t seek to “be somebody.”  Seek to do something worthwhile.

If you follow these 3 steps, eventually the envy will melt away. – Shar McBee

1.  If the leader has to obtain a following by force or cunning, by conspiracy or creating factions, that leader will invariably arouse resistance.

2.  If the leader feels “I do so much and no one thanks ME” or “public gratitude has rarely been shown to me,” that leader will provoke opposition.

3.  If the leader fails to follow his or her values, sooner or later that leader becomes a loser. – Shar McBee

PS –  Thank you to the Indiana National Guard!  They bought 500 copies of my book To Lead is to Serve and I will keynote their statewide conference.

I suggested that someone thank two people.  (The two had been helpful to him.)  I thought he’d be thankful for my suggestion.  Instead, he bristled, “No one is better at gratitude than I am.”

He was angry at my suggestion.  I thought I was being helpful, but I hurt his pride.

Does it mean I shouldn’t make suggestions?

When you tell others what ‘should’ happen, you create resistance.  Position creates opposition.  As an alternative, offer what you think is right and then let it go.  Just watch what happens.  And don’t fear adversity.  Sometimes it is the only way to grow.  Of course, you don’t court adversity, but when it occurs – learn from it.

What I learned (hopefully) is that when you make a suggestion, you need to be careful about when you make it, how you say it, and to whom.

What do you think? – Shar McBee

P.S.  Two weeks ago the message was about how gratitude can help you to gain support.  I received “Thank YOU” emails from 84 of you. (One email was negative.)  It’s interesting how something as agreeable as gratitude can arouse such strong reactions!

I recently read a biography of the musician Willie Nelson.  He tried for years to make it in Nashville, the place where ‘country singers’ were supposed to find success.  Discouraged, he finally went home to Texas where people liked him.  From there, he launched one of the most prolific and long-lasting music careers of all time.

Here’s the key – he didn’t shut himself off from the folks in Nashville.  Even though they didn’t recognize or appreciate him, he remained open and accessible to all sorts of people, friends and foes.

He didn’t abandon his principles; he was clear about HIS music; but he remained open.  WE can only lead others if we remain open.

If you find this challenging, try the debate method.  Argue the case of your opponent.  It will give you a fuller and deeper understanding of the people who oppose you.  It might even make them more open to you.  Nashville came to love Willie.  Your opponents could come to appreciate you, too. – Shar McBee

Three scenarios:

A SPOUSE.  A survey found that the number one reason that men cheat on their wives is NOT that the mistress is prettier or sexier, but that she likes his clothes and appreciates his job.  She appreciates him.  The wife takes him for granted.

A CAFÉ OWNER.  Last week I stopped in a café for a sandwich.  The waitress served me, then disappeared.  I was alone in the tiny café when the owner, his wife and a sign painter came in.  They began a conversation about a new sign. 

“We need customers, so we want a big sign,” the owner said.  They talked for twenty minutes about the sign.  They left without saying one word to me, a customer.

A POLITICIAN.  When she was shaking your hand, she looked over your shoulder to see who else was in the room.  She lost the election.

Why do we take for granted what is right in front of us? 

My wish for you this New Year 2010:  Don’t worry about changing the world.  Focus on the needs of the people right in front of you.  It will change YOUR world.

– Shar McBee

After a disappointment, you may think there is nothing you can do, that the matter is out of your hands. This is not true. In fact, you are capable of rescuing the situation.

When my book “To Lead is to Serve” was first published, I sent out a press release announcing a new book that  could help organizations attract volunteers.

ZERO media folks responded.

At first I thought, “Oh well. If they aren’t interested, I don’t need them.” (I let my detachment turn to indifference.) But then I saw a headline, “Congress considers a $4.2 Billion cut in funds for education.”

I re-sent the same press release, adding only one sentence at the beginning:

“With Congress considering a $4.2 Billion cut in funds for education, a book about how to attract volunteers could become a survival manual for American schools.”

31 talk shows booked me as a guest!

When you find yourself disappointed, don’t succumb to it. You are capable of rescuing your situation.

– Shar McBee