When times are tough –
Your challenge is to remain simple and humble.
When things get better –
Your challenge is to remember what it was like when times were tough.
When better times approach –
The tendency is to let down your guard, revert to bad habits, and lose your self-restraint.
This time, learn from your experience –
Your challenge when times are tough is to remain simple and humble.
Your challenge is the same when better times approach. – Shar McBee
Has someone done this to you? Not showed up for an appointment? Cut you off when you made a suggestion? Not returned your call?
When we’ve been insulted, the tendency is to feel, “Poor Me” or “I’ll cut them out of my life.” Or, “I’ll straighten them out by telling them what they’ve done wrong.” Unfortunately, none of these paths will lead to success for YOU.
When somebody has done you wrong, continue on YOUR path. You have a goal (you wanted that appointment for a reason.) Move toward another opportunity. Don’t go back and dwell on the insult. You can’t change that person. Move on (quickly.) Why let someone else’s bad behavior detract from what you want to accomplish? – Shar McBee
I recently read a biography of the musician Willie Nelson. He tried for years to make it in Nashville, the place where ‘country singers’ were supposed to find success. Discouraged, he finally went home to Texas where people liked him. From there, he launched one of the most prolific and long-lasting music careers of all time.
Here’s the key – he didn’t shut himself off from the folks in Nashville. Even though they didn’t recognize or appreciate him, he remained open and accessible to all sorts of people, friends and foes.
He didn’t abandon his principles; he was clear about HIS music; but he remained open. WE can only lead others if we remain open.
If you find this challenging, try the debate method. Argue the case of your opponent. It will give you a fuller and deeper understanding of the people who oppose you. It might even make them more open to you. Nashville came to love Willie. Your opponents could come to appreciate you, too. – Shar McBee
Three scenarios:
A SPOUSE. A survey found that the number one reason that men cheat on their wives is NOT that the mistress is prettier or sexier, but that she likes his clothes and appreciates his job. She appreciates him. The wife takes him for granted.
A CAFÉ OWNER. Last week I stopped in a café for a sandwich. The waitress served me, then disappeared. I was alone in the tiny café when the owner, his wife and a sign painter came in. They began a conversation about a new sign.
“We need customers, so we want a big sign,” the owner said. They talked for twenty minutes about the sign. They left without saying one word to me, a customer.
A POLITICIAN. When she was shaking your hand, she looked over your shoulder to see who else was in the room. She lost the election.
Why do we take for granted what is right in front of us?
My wish for you this New Year 2010: Don’t worry about changing the world. Focus on the needs of the people right in front of you. It will change YOUR world.
– Shar McBee
After a disappointment, you may think there is nothing you can do, that the matter is out of your hands. This is not true. In fact, you are capable of rescuing the situation.
When my book “To Lead is to Serve” was first published, I sent out a press release announcing a new book that could help organizations attract volunteers.
ZERO media folks responded.
At first I thought, “Oh well. If they aren’t interested, I don’t need them.” (I let my detachment turn to indifference.) But then I saw a headline, “Congress considers a $4.2 Billion cut in funds for education.”
I re-sent the same press release, adding only one sentence at the beginning:
“With Congress considering a $4.2 Billion cut in funds for education, a book about how to attract volunteers could become a survival manual for American schools.”
31 talk shows booked me as a guest!
When you find yourself disappointed, don’t succumb to it. You are capable of rescuing your situation.
– Shar McBee
When you feel stuck, do you?
1. Jump on a quick solution.
2. Accept help from the wrong source.
3. Fold your hands and give up the struggle.
If so, you are not alone. Most people will do anything to get out of an uncomfortable situation. They let a stressful position force them into a worse one.
When you feel stuck, anxiety prevents you from gaining a true perspective.
One of my favorite quotes is from Corinthians, “He also serves who only stands and waits.” When you are in the dark, before you make a move, wait for the light. When you feel stuck, the best thing to do (and the hardest) is to wait until clarity returns. – Shar McBee
P.S. The Junior League of Atlanta published an excellent summary of my book “Joy of Leadership” in their magazine. You can read it here:
http://publications.ingagepublication.com/PEACHTREEPAPERSFALL09/digitalpublication.php#45
When you think fate is against you, you become isolated. Just as there is no straight line in nature, there is no straight line to success.
Your success is like a path in nature – it meanders. It may meander into a situation that is embarrassing, or one which threatens to compromise your principles, or to force you into adversity. When these things come up, it doesn’t mean that you’ve gone astray.
Fate is not against you. Fate is teaching you. Learn every lesson you can from it, so you won’t have to repeat these lessons another time through. – Shar McBee
Right now, I am dying to tell someone what I think. If you are in the same situation, let’s consider two things about “Truth.”
1. Truth is not a sword. If you use it to slice someone, the fallout is poisonous and will taint your relationship for a long time.
2. Truth does not need defending. It has its own power (which will prevail in the end.)
Before you tell someone the “truth,” be concerned about the consequences. Make a list of pros and cons. In my case, the cons won, and I realized I wanted the “truth” to change this person. Instead, I’m using it to change me. – Shar McBee
New managers often make the mistake of depending on a star employee. Star employees love responsibility, but be careful. If you rely too much on one person, when he or she fizzles (or rises) you could become the falling star.
If you are a new manager, you have probably been the star. You’ve probably worked for a star, too. In my career I have reported to a star and I have been the star. I know how it feels to get all the glory. I also know how it feels when someone else is the star. My talent goes unused and my ideas are unwanted.
Frankly, I don’t like either situation. Since the beginning of time, the most successful projects have been the ones where the whole group shines.
“Harmony comes from joining together the disconnected.”
Greek philosopher Heraclites 535-475 BC
Why settle for a star when unity will get you a galaxy? – Shar McBee
Your ability to handle power (and your ability to influence people) will increase as you strengthen your inner-independence. Your strong commitment to doing the right thing will fortify it. Your doubt will make it decrease.
Thank you to all the people who sent me their thoughts last week about how to handle power. Here are three.
1. Isn’t real power the ability to empower others? – Wayne Sandberg, Maryland
2. It is sometimes tricky to differentiate between enthusiasm and creativity, and out right drunkenness with power. A little exposure to power tells a lot about a person.
– Marilyn Leck, Washington
3. It’s the “we,” not the “me;” the “ours,” not the “mine” that results in teamwork, ownership, incredible initiatives and outcomes that, ultimately, garner widespread and genuine support. – Jennifer Sinisgalli, Ohio
Please share YOUR thoughts. Thank you.
– Shar McBee