Last week, someone who owes me money sent an email asking if I hold grudges.  I didn’t know how to respond. 

If I say, “No, I don’t hold grudges” – does that let her off the hook?  If I say, “Yes” – does that make me a bad person so she is okay not to pay? 

When people are embroiled in insolence, dishonesty, alienation, etc…see list above…it is easy to be pulled down with them.  Yesterday, I opened a book and found a note that I had written a long time ago:  “True power lies in reticence, tranquility and detachment.”

Perhaps my “no response” was the best response.  What would you do?  I’m sincerely seeking your advice. – Shar McBee

To ease tension, be open-minded toward others and their imperfections, just as you want them to be open-minded toward you. – Shar McBee

Follow the example of water.  What does water do when it comes upon a rock?  It flows over or around it.  When it comes upon a precipice does it squeal, “That’s too steep”?  No.  It goes right over the cliff.  What happens when it comes to a hole?  It fills the hole up and flows on.

On the other hand, what happens when water does not flow on?  It gets stagnant, doesn’t it?  It’s the same with us.  If we let fear or indecision stop us, we get stagnant too.

(If you have the book, you can read more about this in the final chapter of To Lead is to Serve.  Also available here.) http://joyofleadership.com/products/index.htm#books

The world needs good leadership!  Please share your Joy of Leadership tips with others.    – Shar McBee

2.  Instead of “leading,” the leader might have to withdraw.  You don’t withdraw because you are angry.  Withdraw because you care. 

3.  A leader doesn’t have to intervene to “save the situation.”  Nobody wants to fill someone else’s shoes.  They want to walk in their own shoes.  Letting people do it their way, even if they make mistakes, is necessary if you want people to help you. – Shar McBee

Be my friend on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1419623208

When people feel excluded, they undermine you.

If you make your decisions at the top,

don’t assume those below will implement them.

When you want people to “buy in” – listen to them.

Let them give you advice.  Let them add their ideas.

Let them talk.  Because people remember what THEY

say more than what YOU tell them. – Shar McBee

PS  I’d like to “include” you as my friend on Facebook.

To be my friend:   http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shar-McBee/94712870749#!/profile.php?id=1419623208&ref=ts

To join the “To Lead is to Serve’ group:   http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shar-McBee/94712870749#!/group.php?gid=102173708872&ref=ts

Doubt can actually lead to exhaustion.  It makes people tired.  When we are influenced by doubt, we block ourselves from seeing a solution. 

It’s not that we have to “believe” when we don’t.  We just have to get rid of disbelief.

The next time you doubt that things will work out, try to be open-minded.  It’s impossible to be creative and also filled with doubt.  Being open-minded will allow your creativity to move mountains.  Holding on to doubt will block your creative process.

– Shar McBee

A.  Send an email “setting them straight.”

B.  Determine that the bad situation will never work out.

C.  Try to persuade them of your point of view.

D.  Attempt to force a solution just to get past the awkwardness.

E.  Let wounded pride turn to hatred.

If your final opinion is resentment, YOU (not the other person) will suffer.

You can’t change another person. The challenge is to change your reaction. 

The following advice was given to me:  Allow them to go their way.  Carry on with your life, but don’t give them up as hopeless.

Still, it hurts when you split with people that you used to admire.  What do YOU do? 

If you have suggestions, please post them below. 

Thanks. – Shar McBee

1.  Do your duty. 

2.  Be conscientious. 

3.  Don’t seek to “be somebody.”  Seek to do something worthwhile.

If you follow these 3 steps, eventually the envy will melt away. – Shar McBee

2.  If the leader feels “I do so much and no one thanks ME” or “public gratitude has rarely been shown to me,” that leader will provoke opposition.

3.  If the leader fails to follow his or her values, sooner or later that leader becomes a loser. – Shar McBee

PS –  Thank you to the Indiana National Guard!  They bought 500 copies of my book To Lead is to Serve and I will keynote their statewide conference.

He was angry at my suggestion.  I thought I was being helpful, but I hurt his pride.

Does it mean I shouldn’t make suggestions?

When you tell others what ‘should’ happen, you create resistance.  Position creates opposition.  As an alternative, offer what you think is right and then let it go.  Just watch what happens.  And don’t fear adversity.  Sometimes it is the only way to grow.  Of course, you don’t court adversity, but when it occurs – learn from it.

What I learned (hopefully) is that when you make a suggestion, you need to be careful about when you make it, how you say it, and to whom.

What do you think? – Shar McBee

P.S.  Two weeks ago the message was about how gratitude can help you to gain support.  I received “Thank YOU” emails from 84 of you. (One email was negative.)  It’s interesting how something as agreeable as gratitude can arouse such strong reactions!